Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Pappa wants mamma naked

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(914): View more from New York

she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

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(443): View more from Maryland

its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten

(301): View more from Maryland

so glad i banged her when she was skinny

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(504): View more from Louisiana

so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads

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(703): View more from Virginia

Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days

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(801): View more from Utah

Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?

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(+61): View more from Australia

I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.

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