plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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