Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
