We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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