Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
