I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
