i think my mom watched the whole time
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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