Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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