Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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