I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
