I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
