All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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