Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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