I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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