I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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