i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
