I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
