Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
