My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
