Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
