I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
