you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
