if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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