i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
