All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Randomize
