She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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