omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
