Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
