is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
