As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
