I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
