take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
