Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
