A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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