dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
