i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
