its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
