Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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