Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
