Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
