It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
