first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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