I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
