Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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