i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
