She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
