Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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