i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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