I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
