Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
