There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
