FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
