Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize